Not for anybody else but just for me. I needed this space to just let out my feelings without worrying about how its going to sound to other people. I'm the sort of person who needs to be able to write stuff down. If I don't I feel like I'm going to explode!
Why did I choose that URL? It doesn't make sense now that I think about it. I feel like I'm battling within myself about what I am actually thinking and what my head is telling me I'm thinking. Why do my thoughts go through this filter before they reach the front part of my brain. I mean, its my head why should I worry about saying the wrong thing in my own head?!
I feel like the stuff that I'm worrying about I shouldn't be worried about. It's so trivial compared to what happens to so many other people in the world. I mean there are people out there dying for what they believe in for goodness sakes. And all I can think of is how this stupid stomach problem that I've been dealing with for now going on three months is annoying the crap out of me! And how it's keeping me from having more children. I can't, for the life of me, figure out why God doesn't want us to have more kids. All I want them to do when they're older is give their lives in submission to God. !! I would just like to be able to go on a walk with my family without worrying about if I brought medicine along with me in case the pain starts to get bad.
Side Note: I like typing this on the computer. Maybe I'll copy it into my journal later. But for now my fingers need to go as fast as I can get them to keep up with my brain. And writing it in a journal just isn't fast enough.
I need to figure out how I can get in some quality Bible and praying time. I can't do it at night because I'm to tired for anything to sink in. And I can't do it in the morning because I'm to worn out from being in pain the day before. I would really like to do it in the morning because I really want to have my day starting off with God because I know that is the most beneficial for me and everyone I come in contact with. I need to stop making up lame excuses too. I want to read by myself and pray and also read with Joe, and read as a family at night. I also want to read books too. I used to read so many books when I was younger. I remember going out to the treehouse and just sitting there for an hour reading and meditating. Oh how my soul longs for that again.
Well, the duty of motherhood is calling again as Joe is up from his nap. How I wish I could just have one day to go to sleep when I want, wake up when I want, take a shower, eat breakfast, and read as much as I want when/where I want. Oh to have one day to just spend focused on God. I think that I really need that. But how do you get that without being selfish? Or is being a little selfish a good thing? Oh goodness, I'm not going to get into that now! Well, off to work........
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